Saturday, March 19, 2011

Reverse Sexism

...doesn't exist but what if it did? Inspired by an essay where a woman described how, hey, she wouldn't mind a wife of her own! Men don't seem to get sexism, but I'm sure they might if the roles were reversed. A lot of people seemed to like this on deviantart (with the exception of that MRA I mentioned in my first post), so I'm posting it here.

*Trigger warning for simulated sexual assault apologia

       I am a modern woman. What do I want? First, let’s start with language. When using a singular pronoun of unknown gender, I want it to be written in the feminine (for example, she, her, hers). When referring to the human race, I want it called womankind, women, and woman because words like humanity, people, humankind, and humans are unnecessary after all. However, I want certain objects to have male pronouns such as ships and cars, and we shall call our home countries the “fatherland”, unless that country wants the world to know how powerful it is, in which case it will be appropriately termed "motherland".
       If we must be gender inclusive, we will always put the feminine before the masculine, such as “her or him,” “she or he,” “her or his.” Animal names shall also be in the feminine and we will only use the male version when referring to the gender (example; a lion is a male lioness).
       Next, let’s look at the workplace. I want men to make 62% of what women make because a man really shouldn’t be working anyway. And, if a couple becomes pregnant, the man must be laid off for he should be waiting at home for his wife after her hard day of work so that he can take care of her. In the workplace, women should always outnumber men in the case that men take it into their heads that they deserve better than what their place demands. Men also must be largely limited to cleanup and must always be dressed well. Women, after all, cannot be expected to do such things since they are exercising their rational minds. In university or college, women must dominate the faculty so that young, intelligent female students aren’t influenced by empty-headed males.
       For children, all cereal boxes must have female mascots because males aren’t nearly as entertaining. Electronic devices will be called walkwoman and gamegirl. Stories that feature male protagonists will all involve a passive, helpless, man who is rescued by a strong female and the moral of the story will always be that men must stay in their place and that women can solve all their problems.
       A couple who has a daughter(s), especially as the first child is to be congratulated, but sons are less important, and the father is to blame when this happens. Little boys should be discouraged from trying to play with girls and girls should not let a boy into their midst.
       In the bedroom, it is necessary that the woman always take the top position in order to display her dominance of her partner. A woman may take as many partners as she wants and, in some cases, may even have more than one husband, and those husbands will be expected to get along of course. A man may only have one partner at a time and, if he has more, society must berate him for it, for it means he is dirty. If a man takes interest in another man as a sexual partner, but not a woman, then one woman or more must teach him otherwise by whatever force necessary. Sometimes, a man may have another man as a partner if it gives sexual gratification to women to watch them. A woman must not have a woman partner, though, or it will put her in the same place as men and that is unacceptable. If a woman should do this, then other women must display their displeasure even if it involves violence.
       During sex, it is of utmost importance that the woman has an orgasm, even if the man tires first. A man may reach orgasm, but it is not necessary, unless to bolster the confidence of the woman giving him one. In fact, in some cases, even if a man is not in the mood, he must continue in sex until he has an orgasm, or he will be guilty for the woman's low self-esteem. A fake orgasm is acceptable as long as the man does not admit it was fake. The male orgasm will be something women will have to learn on their own, since magazines must be targeted towards men that teach them how to please their women. Again, the male orgasm won't be necessary, so in some cases, during sex, a woman may have to humiliate her male partner, just so he understands his place (a good example is pushing on his head as hard as possible while he performs oral sex, sometimes involving punching him in the nose). In the case of rape, the man must understand that it would not have happened if he was not out late at night or if he had not been wearing such provocative clothing.
       When a man walks down the street, he should not be offended by catcalls. They are flattering, of course. A woman must always be sure to hold the door for a man, and take his coat, and help him out of the car, which the woman will be driving, and pull out his chair. A gentleman should be put on a pedestal. He must not use foul language, or that makes him a prick and he must be called so. Proper gentlemen must be sure to voice their displeasure in any man who tries to be equal to women, who are superior.
      Men should be kept out of sports since no one wants to watch them anyway. Advertising must often have men objectified to further instill female dominance (for example, a man may be used as a chair, or women may eat food off him as though he were a table). Close male relationships must be discouraged in movies and stories as in evil stepfathers, squabbling brothers, nasty teenage boys, irresponsible fathers, vicious uncles, and unreasonable father-in-laws.
      Also, it is perfectly acceptable for a very old woman to marry a very young man, but a very old man with a young woman must be discouraged; he is, after all, a lion, or a lynx (lion in training). However, a girl should be congratulated if she has sexual relations with a DILF.
       And, of course, the leader of a country should always be a woman even if a man seems more capable. After all, what woman-ruled country would ever take a man-ruled country seriously?
       Finally, if men should ever rise up and rebel, then everything to do with that movement must be demonized at all costs.
       Did this piss you off? Good. Now you know how feminist women feel and maybe equality suddenly doesn’t sound like such a bad thing. Feminists want equality: gender-inclusive language, equal pay for equal work, not to be objectified, to have equal opportunity, etc. Don’t be afraid of the F word.

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